Thursday, January 29, 2009
Saturday, December 20, 2008
My blogging duties have obviously fallen by the wayside. I haven't posted anything substantial since April, and I guess some will say I never have.
To the same sex marriage detractors who say its not really marriage if its two men let me say this, you know not what you speak about. 8 months into my separation I am just getting over the turmoil in my life. Losing a spouse is awful to put it mildly. It is said it takes 6 months to get over a death, well this is harder. That part of my life is dead but I see his zombie almost daily. A constant reminder, like salt in a wound.
The worst aspect is I have come to a realization that I no longer have an identity. After years who of conceding little bits of myself to placate another I find myself only with my man bits intact, nothing of an individuality left. Where is that sk8er boi gone? Where is my snowboard?
Where has the fun in my life gone? Once upon a time I couldn't choose between the daily options. Now I find myself always at home. A tired man getting older and now with gray hairs.
Half of the person I was for the last 7 years is gone and the other half is unable to stand on its own. No longer twenty something, I'm nearing the midway of my 30's. The biggest shock was accepting I wasn't that young guy with everyone's eyes fixed on me. Now I'm just background noise. When did that happen?
Being from out of the province, and meeting my future ex husband upon arrival, the only friends I had were friends of his. Did I mention his intense jealousy and my inability to even speak with a stranger? I shouldn't blame him, It's my fault for placating. No one to blame but myself. So not only am I husbandless, I find myself here nearly completely alone except for a few friends with extremely busy lives. All of them couples.
Who am I? How do I go up from here? How do I reclaim me and carve out a new separate future?
I'm sure I'll figure it out but I really hate this shit.
But I do know one thing, when I am back, no man will ever dismantle me piece by piece again.
Monday, August 11, 2008
I miss you dearly. I still dream our dreams.
I am almost back to normal (a new normal) I hope to return to regular blogging this fall.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Where do I even start with this? It's rumoured to be an April Fools Prank as these, um, "things" are only available on April 1 and in limited supplies (there actually may be a god).
The first question, if these are legit, is why? Why why why? Men just do not look good like this.
This slingshot, no.
And most guys won't trim before putting this on. Think of the children.
This thing is the opposite of what most men wear working out. I just where sweat pants in my home gym, no shirt as to have thwe most mobility. This accomplishes the opposite.
You'd get a wedgie attempting what this guy is doing in the pic above.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
This is quite disgusting. I call it the Perpetual Meal because whether about to be eaten or after being thrown up it would look the same.
A sick vicious cycle.
I have no idea what it is but I see rice, I think chicken, what may be egg (I hope) and tucked in there is what looks like a cockroach or two.
Have I mentioned I love dates but can't look at them while eating it? They look like big juicy bugs, full of threads, and the same colour as a beetle. And sticky.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Watch until the end. The chair prank is absolutely insane!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Its hard for me to believe that I am now 34. I use to consol myself that I was only a third of a century old with the hope I will live a century. Not a stupid thought when considering advances in health and well being. Unfortunately I have turned the tide heading directly to being half a century old in just 16 years!
A lot of things are on my mind. The top one being my employment. I am at a point where I relalize my salary will soon max out due to the nature of the non-profit industry and limitations that those with science degrees face with regards to salary, usually capping at about $52,000 a year. Having reached that point I now have to look into moving on to other opportunities. The jobs I am looking to fill require more education in different areas of study. I now need to decide on a new vocation. The environmental field was supposed to be the happening industry to get involved with back in the mid-1990's. Who would have thought a political ideology of climate change denial, lies, and inaction could have such an effect but the industry has not taken off and IMHO, never will. The work will instead be after the fact and purely feats of engineering because we have to adapt apparently and not prevent. What a bad idea but I digress.
The thought of more university excites me but the second thought about the debt I will incur does not. Its necessary though as I have student debt still and a home and have not been saving for retirement. Who can with such crappy wages and expensive costs to live these days. Prices and taxes increase, wages never seem to follow suit.
I reminisced last night about past birtdays, especially childhood ones and the obligatory birthday parties. My dad cooked the same meal for me every year. Pineapple chicken and fried rice. This is no doubt the reason I still cook this meal (according to his recipe) to this day. I will be cooking it this evening to share with my hubby. If you want the recipe, contact me. Many good memories.
Anyways, I am happy and have someone in my life who makes downside of any issue look trivial. I am thankful for him and his ways. I am also thankful to be here at this point in time no matter the shit going on in the world. The beauty this planet has is worth the trials and tribulations I face.
Here's looking forward to 35!